Ready To Admit You Broke Your Own Heart?

A lot of times I hear my guy friends say, "Look, it wasn't my fault" after our discussions about the heartbroken women that have passed through their lives. And though I believe some men "sell us a dream," I think we women do break our own hearts. Whether it's in the very beginning of the "talking phase" or a month or so in, men show us all the signs we need to know that things will not be going anywhere far. Yet we still make the conscious decision to ignore them. Consider these things:

He never or rarely calls—everything is via text (which I find to be very impersonal) and when you call, he doesn't answer. Going out in public is never an option unless you two are making a quick run to the gas station, in which case you make sure to let people see that: Mya was here on 9/14/2013 at 9:53pm. You call him babe, or the mightily annoying “bae” even though he only calls you by your real name, he only makes time for you when it’s time to do the do, and the only dinner you get is takeout. When you tell him how you feel, he might nod politely, but ultimately just brushes the conversation off as if what you said had the same significance as you saying, "The mailman came early."

Nothing he does is consistent, yet we convince ourselves that this person still deserves our time. So we make things up—like the good morning text. “Bae” didn’t send you that good morning text. What really happened was you sent him a message in the earlier part of the day where he then courteously replied, “How’s your morning?” That’s not at all the same thing as a good morning text. Maybe it's the feeling of just having someone, or not wanting to sleep around so you keep things going for the sex. But if a person shows you that they're not as interested and you stick around to see if you can change their mind, prepare to be let down, because you know he never really showed that much interest or really committed himself to begin with. And if that's okay with you, then avoid making anything more out of it. Those feelings you invest that aren’t reciprocated will only make things worse.

What I’ve learned from men is this: you cannot change their minds once it is made up. If he’s shown you signs that he does not want what you want, or wants nothing more than the goods you’re giving, take heed to them. If you’re going to ignore them anyway, at least be aware of them so you don’t pass the blame on as if it wasn’t your fault. Stop making up excuses for why he doesn’t call you often or why he’s unavailable for the week. You know you don’t mean the lies that are coming out of your mouth; you know the truth.

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